Yes folks, it's true....my date picked me up in a drug mule car. Now, I'm sure you all are thinking, WTF?!?.....I did as well.
So, this story is a bit different, and by different, I mean NUTS!!! I met "Coke-asaurus" years ago at Sidebar. I always thought he was hot, sexy and so tall!! Like Paul Bunyan tall. And you know what they say about tall men with big feet....BIG SHOES!!! We had a ton of mutual friends and he liked the social scene...my perfect dude. Well I hadn't seen him in a few years, so I always wondered what happened to him? Fast forward six years and he popped up on my POF feed. Can't say that I wasn't excited, because I was!!! He sent me a message and that's how it all started. I thought, what could go wrong? I've known Coke-asaurus for over six years. We agreed on a date and that was that.
We had exchanged a few text messages and he said that he was coming from Cabo Cantina, hanging out with friends watching the playoffs. I asked him if he had been drinking and he answered with a stern, "NO!". He showed up on my doorstep a little disheveled. I asked if he was okay and then what I thought was the truth, he explained that he only had a pitcher of beer with his friends. I figured, a big dude like this could handle drinking a couple beers so I trusted him to drive. He excused himself to my bathroom, came out and looked like the man that should of showed up in the first place.
He helped me down my driveway like a gentleman. Opened my car door, took my hand and helped me into the car. So far, things were awesome. He wanted to go to a chill restaurant so we agreed on Turf Club. Awesome drinks, good food that you have to cook yourself and awesome drinks...I like awesome drinks!!! We ordered and I noticed he was drinking his cocktails kind of fast. After his fifth drink, he blurted out that he actually had six pitchers of beer. I looked at him completely stunned. Coke-asaurus is an alcoholic!!! He should not be standing!
I excused myself from the table to go make a phone call and when I came back I noticed he wasn't sitting at the table. Suddenly, he ran up to me grabbing my arm and rushed me out the door. I looked at him, and was like "WHAT THE FUCK!, where did you go and why did we have to leave?" He looked at me while cracking up and explained that he wanted to play a joke on me, so when I got back I would think that he took off leaving me with the bill. But instead the fucking idiot got us kicked out because he decided that the best place to hide was in Turf Clubs kitchen. I asked him for the keys, because he was obviously not driving. At this point, my gut should have warned me, and it didn't. He wanted to continue the date, so I figured that we'll go to a place that I'm familiar with....La Puerta. We had a shot each, and then he took me by the hand and drug me to Las Hadas next door. I guess he knew the owner because he was at the bar taking shot after shot with this guy. I went outside to get some air and this guy approached me. We started talking about the restaurant and Coke-asaurus came out screaming at the guy, and started throwing punches. I'm like, this is not happening, this is NOT happening. A few of the employees and myself were trying to hold this big dude back and I calmed him down. Now I'm dealing with Drunk-asaurus...FML! I told him that I was going to go. He grabbed my arms softly, turned my body towards him and with those giant brown eyes, he apologized and said that I could drive us home and he would figure something out. At this point I know (I'm dumb, I'm dumb, I'm dumb). I took the keys out of his hand and walked him to the car. (NOTE: It was a brand new X6 and I was like, hell yes...I get to drive this baby TWICE!!!) We're on our way to my house and he looks at me and says, "You need to drive faster"...I'm like, "WHAT?!?"...I'm driving the speed limit. He explained that there is "stuff" in the back. I turned around and looked in the back seat. I didn't see anything. I look at him completely puzzled. He repeats, "there is stuff in the back"... but using air quotations. I answered back in a high pitch voice..."STUFF, WHAT KIND OF STUFF"? I know what this fucker is about to tell me, and I'm going to freak the hell out! He yells, "COKE....THERE'S A LOT OF COKE IN THE BACK OF THIS CAR!!!" I pulled the car over immediately, started screaming at the top of my lungs, "YOU HAVE ME DRIVING A COKE MULE CAR?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!" He started trying to calm me down because at this point I'm hyperventilating and cussing him out. He takes the key out of the ignition, locks the doors, walks around, unlocks the doors, pulls me out by my arm, shoves me in the passenger seat, locks the doors, unlocks the drivers side door so he can get in. He starts the car up, looks at me with anger in his eyes and says, "You're not going home". He flipped a bitch and we started driving down Market towards downtown. I told him that I would call the police. I took out my phone, began dialing and he grabbed my phone from me and tucked it in his crotch. I had no clue where we were or how we got there, but he told me to shut the fuck up. We pulled into a garage and parked the drug mule car in a spot. He explained that Im not going to say a peep considering that he could ruin me. I'm thinking, what the hell are you going to ruin, so I started to yell. He took his finger, put it against my temple like a gun and said, "We are leaving this car here for its owner to come pick up, unload it and return it to this spot. You are going to cooperate because I have your phone"...and as he was explaining how he would ruin my life he takes my purse, removes my wallet and fishes out my ID and anything that had my name on it. Throws my wallet back in my purse and hands me back my purse. He has my phone in his hand along with my other possessions and totally takes my phone apart. I'm FREAKING the hell out!!!! He pulls me out of the car and we proceed to walk towards the elevator. So this is the size difference. ..He is 6'4" maybe 240 lbs. I'm 5'6" 130 lbs...do you get me here? I'm powerless. We arrive on his floor, and I remembered it on purpose. He opens the door and this huge pit bull greets us at the door. He licks my hand, but personally I think he wanted a taste before he devoured me whole. COKE-asaurus pulled me towards his room. He pulled out an ungodly amount of cocaine and started doing line after line. His nose looked like the coming of Christmas...All white and snowy. He then proceeded to take his guns out of the closet. Sawed off shotguns, rifles, hand guns....I was seriously freaking the hell out. He kept repeating, "Your dad isn't going to kill me without a fight. He isn't going to come in here and end me without retribution!" All I told him was that my dad was in the import/export type business and he assumed that my dad was part of a cartel. I'm watching this guy load his guns and repeating "your dad isn't going to kill me" over and over. I was trying to think of a way that I could get out of this, but he has my phone and my possessions. I waited around, watching him pace back and forth with sawed off shotgun in hand, doing lines of coke and repeating "your dad isn't going to kill me"!
Finally, he drifted off to sleep and his phone kept going off. I waited to see if he would answer and he didn't so I busted ass trying to grab my stuff quietly and get the hell out of there. I made a mad dash past the pit bull and headed towards the elevator. I had no clue where I was but thank GOD there was an emergency map near the elevator and it had the address printed above it. I put my phone together and called my girlfriend, asked her to come get me. Once I was safely in her car, I told her the story of my kidnapping. Finally, we got home. I sat down on my couch, thanking God that I was still alive and in that moment I got a text, FROM HIM!!! He had the nerve to ask me why I left?
You know, I've run into him a couple times in Pacific Beach at Firehouse and Shore Club and I tell my friends the crazy ass story, while pointing him out and I really don't think they believe me. It's sad really....
