So you guys all know I've gone out with some real winners, some big losers and some real fucking crazies. From anal to shitting themselves at a four star restaurant, I've had them all. Well peeps this one takes the cake. Ever heard of "clown sex"? Neither have I until this guy. So I met Tiny Pecker, that's what we'll call him, on POF. I read through his profile, looked through his pictures and he looked pretty decent. He was an entrepreneur, tall and his profile was well written. He sent me a "favorite" and I figured, hell why not, so I favorited him right back. We started to chat, passing messages back and forth like school kids. He seemed down to earth, almost too normal.
So if you guys personally know me, I'm one that's attracted to personality more than looks. So 6, 7's and 8's are what attracts the most. I guess because I'm no longer in my twenties and not for sometime now, maturity has taught me that there's more than a pretty face to love.
So we decided to meet up for a drink at The Tipsy Crow. I'm not really a fan of this place with its kajillion tv's and the loud atmosphere, but it was just a drink.
I walked in and he was sitting in a booth in the back. I'm thinking, especially with all the weird dates I've been on, that he couldn't pick one closest to the exit....geez.
He had a warm smile, beautiful teeth and these gorgeous blue eyes. How could he not be normal. So we greeted each other and the conversation flowed like we hadn't missed a beat. We talked about our families, what our favorite dishes were and how we were when we were kids. Things couldn't of been more perfect. So at this point, I'm starting to peel away the layers. So I asked what he did for a living since it just listed "Entrepreneur" on his profile, from what I remembered.
He looked stunned. Like saw a ghost behind me stunned. Like, I killed his family pet stunned. He tried to avoid telling me, which I thought was weird. We ordered our drinks and I thought maybe he'll relax a little bit and tell me. He finished his in a matter of seconds. I'm thinking, what the hell does this man do to make him so nervous?
I told him that I'm not one to judge. I refuse to judge anyone on how they make money unless you're a stripper, prostitute or porn star. Then I keep my judgements to myself.
So he ordered two shots and another drink. People, I'm still on my first. He downs both shots and finally slows down for his cocktail. He looks up at me slowly, reaches into his pocket and pulls out this big, spongy red nose. At this point, I have no clue except this guy is a clown. Well, Tiny Pecker then announces loudly while stepping out of the booth with his arms spread wide, that he is a children's party clown. I turn around and everyone is staring hardcore at us. The embarrassment is killing me inside.
I then pull him into the booth and try to calm him down. He then excuses himself to the men's room. I want to run. Like bolt. I mean blur style running! But I stayed in that booth with full regret.
He returned from the men's room, not only with full face clown makeup, but started making balloon animals. Oh and his zipper was completely unzipped and he wasn't wearing boxers, to boot. He then yells out, "I'm a fucking clown, and I LOVE it!!!". I think being a clown was arousing to him because he was starting to peak out of the hole in his jeans, and he wasn't big. He wasn't even medium! The patrons are trying to tell him. I'm trying to tell him. The waitress is trying to tell him. But he's just making balloon animals while his dick was making an appearance. Zebras, frogs, poodles, giraffes and his dick...you name it and his dick was out there the whole time. He then returned to the booth, looked at me and with the most ridiculous clown smile, he asks me if I'm ready to get out of there and make "his little clown happy, because he was sad." I looked at him, pointed down to his tiny penis and told him that he was right about something...his dick is sad. I got up, closed out my half of the tab and walked out with my poodle balloon under my arm.
