Ummmmm ....Are Those Stuffed Animals on Your Bed....WTF?!?

We're going to call this one "Sir Furry Flurry".

So, I decided to try Match about five years ago because after reading three of my friends engagement announcements on Facebook I figured, "hell why not?" They found love on Match, why couldn't I? I swore, if a fourth friend announced her engagement on Facebook,  I was going to pack up and move to a nunnery or slit my wrists....seriously.
Anywho, I logged into my account and noticed an absolutely lovely man who sent me message. He was funny and very personable in his message. Look, any guy who can make me chuckle through words, has my vote! So, I wrote him back. We continued to innocently flirt through messages and in his last one he wanted to meet me. I was very hopeful so I said "YES".
We met at Mister A's downtown. The view is killer and so is the food. I walked in and saw this handsome and distinguished looking gentleman sitting at the bar. He stood up to greet me, and thank God he was taller than me. Broad shoulders, gorgeous smile and style to kill, I thought I'd met my match. Our conversation flowed like a river. He was just as hilarious in person as he was in his messages.
We finished dinner and decided to take a walk. He was a complete gentlemen in every way. Opening doors, offering his coat to me, pulling out my chair...This man was pulling out all the stops.
We arrived in front of this beautiful building. He asked if I would be interested in a glass of wine. I figured, it should be okay. (Note: I'm a bit of a prude, so trying to get between my legs on the first date will never happen, EVER! I don't care about what you own or who you are, it ain't happenin'!)
His place was impeccable.  Gorgeous interior, beautiful kitchen, and amazing artwork.  He poured a glass of wine for me, but I had to use the washroom before I took my first sip. I asked him where it was located. I walked down this long hallway and passed the bathroom. Hey, I wanted to see where all the magic happened so the door to the master was already open. I opened it a bit more and was instantly stunned!!! Were those stuffed animals on his California king size bed?!? I'm not talking about his childhood teddy bear. This man had over thirty stuffed animals on his bed. Stuffed dogs, bears, horses, zebras, tigers, monkeys and koalas. This man had a full zoo on his bed. "Sir Furry Flurries" Ark!!! I don't have one stuffed animal on my bed or anywhere in my house and this guy has a ton.
He walked up behind me since I'm sure I was taking longer than the usual in the bathroom. He asked, "What do you think?" He ran past me and jumped on his bed and started rolling around in them like a happy pig in mud. I know if those animals had voices, they would be screaming bloody murder! He was rubbing them on his face and all over his body. He started moaning quite loudly. I was stunned. Completely STUNNED!!!! All I could think was, " that poor stuffed koala bear!" I was about to turn away to exit this horrific scene of beastiality when he asked me to join him. He shot up out of the bed and told me he had a surprise for me. He walked over to his walk in closet and pulled out all these furry animal costumes. One zebra and one horse in his size and one dog and one unicorn in a smaller size. He starts taking ALL his clothes off and puts the zebra costume on. I'm just staring at him with a gapped mouth and huge eyeballs. I mean, this is a grown ass man in a zebra costume. "Sir Furry Flurry" asks me, "do you know what furries are?" At this point, I'm speechless.  He goes on to give me the Urban Dictionary definition of a "furry." WTF?!? How the hell did I get myself into this and how the hell do I get myself out of it? A sickness, a meeting, asthma attack, a family emergency! Anything to get me out of this mess. "Sir Furry Flurry" is now prancing around his luxurious bedroom dressed as a zebra...A ZEBRA, people!!! He's rubbing up against his walls, dressers and anything else in that room while moaning his face off. He's actually turned on by wearing this costume. And let me say, I know that zebras are definitely packing more than this guy. I've watched one or two wildlife documentaries in my lifetime. He was rock hard and it was pointing right at me. HIS PENIS WAS SALUTING ME!!! He started to prance towards me, I dropped the costumes, grabbed my Fendi and bounced.  WTF was that? I'm hoping and praying that his elevator came before he did...