The Anal Guy, Aka Napoleon Anal....FML!!!!

Well folks, here's another lovely date story so fresh it happened last night. I know that I'm supposed to start from 6 years ago,  but I had to write about this one. I'm going to call him "The Anal Guy". So, he and I had been texting back and forth for weeks and we finally decided to meet last night. I figured since I knew what he looked like from his pictures and the hilarious content of his profile, that this was going to be a fun date. He picked the place, so we met at Basic in downtown San Diego.

I had gotten there a little early so I sat with my friend Jen at the bar. My date approached us and Jen left. We laughed and we talked shit. It was awesome until around our third drink....dum, dum, dum...and "anal" flew out of his mouth. My eyes popped out of my head and my mouth gaped open. (In my head, I'm thinking...."did this guy really just say ANAL?") He went on to ask me if I've ever tried anal before? I was still completely in shock,  like mortified. I answered, "Um, no. I don't like it, It's not my thing." So, he went on to ask me why I haven't tried it, how many girls have let him, that I should let him try...at least a finger, why it's better to have anal sex at night than in the morning because they're still bullets in the chamber in the morning, how important it is to do an enema because he's been in a situation with a girl who, ahem, didn't properly clean herself and they both ended up being covered in shit, what his method is and that it'll be very gentle? This conversation about anal went on for twenty minutes. TWENTY MINUTES!!!! Now, I'm not one to judge, but if a woman says no, then that should be the end of it...at least you would think. But no, then he talked about playing with anal toys, that the vibration will help the area relax. Oh, and I wished it stopped there. After our third drink, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and "chill" and to "relax", maybe drink a little wine. The bartender asked if we wanted another and before he could tell her no, I said "YES, I'll take another 7&7!". He gave me the dirtiest look and ordered another beer. I couldn't drink my cocktail fast enough! I told him it was getting late and I needed to be up really early, (lie)...but hey, anything to get me out of this situation.  So we stood up to go and I didn't realize that Anal Guy is only 5'8"! I'm at least 6'0" tall with my wedges on....so basically I was out with Napoleon Anal! 

The best part is that when we were parting, he stood on his tippy toes to hug me and kiss me goodbye....WTF was I thinking!!!