The Overeater...Aka Yes He Ate My Dinner

The truth is in the title folks! So, this date is definitely from the past. I'll say about 5 years ago. I met this guy on POF. His profile showed that he was athletic,  financially sound and confident which I don't know about you ladies but trying to find all of these qualities in a man is down right impossible (and that's only three qualities).  So I was like, WOO HOO, JACKPOT!!!! He was quite handsome in his pictures. They definitely looked like LinkedIn pictures with the clean haircut, nice tie and toothy grin. It's not like you really had much of a choice 5 years ago, and I was freshly back on the market so I figured..."hell, why not?" The guy has a chiseled jaw, magnificent blue eyes, he has all of his teeth, a job and a car. What could be so bad, RIGHT?!?
Well, we agreed to meet at El Camino in Little Italy.  I had never been there since they changed ownership so I wanted to try it. Little did I know that this was going to be dum, dum, dum....The date from over eaters anonymous!
I walked by this guy that had similar looks to they guy I was meeting but this guy had to be well over 150 lbs, so it couldn't of been him. I walked right past him and proceeded to touch the handle of the door when he called out my name! In a questioning sort of way, "Melissa?" exited those lips and I stopped dead in my tracks. Could this be, was this the same guy? I walked over, shook his hand and we went inside. The thoughts that were going through my mind would make me sound so immature,  so shallow but I couldn't help it. I look exactly like ALL my pictures and he DEFINITELY didn't.
So we sat down at the bar. The bartender handed us our menus and we ordered. He asked for some kind of sampler plate and I was trying to think of the fastest type food I could eat to get this date over with, so I ordered the chicken quesadilla.  We ordered drinks as well and I couldn't wait for my 7&7. So our food came and he started to devour his plate before it touched the bar. It was like watching a little Ethiopian kid eat rice for the first time. I just sat and smiled, while he smiled back at me with cheese and sour cream all over his mouth.  Trying to get over this disgusting scene, I started to eat. I was full about the fourth triangle, when I excused myself to the ladies room. When I got back from trying to plan my escape,  I noticed that my plate was completely empty. EMPTY PEOPLE!!!! I left my poor defenseless quesadilla with this man, and he murdered it!!!! I sat down next to him, and he said, "I assumed you were done, and I don't believe in wasting food." Obviously,  food never missed his mouth since this guy ate the guy I was originally supposed to meet. The bartender looked at me with sympathetic eyes, handed me another pity cocktail and said "you're going to need this, after this date."
So, I told my date that I had a family function to get to (LIE, but anything to get me out of this date!) (Sidenote: Your family members are the best scapegoats you have, so use them if necessary!)
So we said our goodbyes, and he tried to kiss me. I did the duck and dive method, since the man still had crusted over guacamole in the corner of his mouth. That was the last time I went out with "The Overeater....."